Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
