there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
