Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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