But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
