I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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