# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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