Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
