I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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