smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
