No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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