he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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