Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
