I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
