I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
this hospital has no fireball
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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