Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
