I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
