So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
