Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
