He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
