you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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