All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Everclear isn't food dammit
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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