You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
