I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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