So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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