I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
