Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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