The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
