He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
