He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
