She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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