PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
