I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
