oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
