Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
