There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
