if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
