The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
