He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
