Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i barfeds in our rink
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
