would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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