I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
