Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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