where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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