Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
