We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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