true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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