1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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