No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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