I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
