dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
