he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
