I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
