Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
