It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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