your parents love me but you hate me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
