apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
