1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
