I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
