Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
