this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
