Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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