the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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