evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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