that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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