I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
