now i know why i became what i already was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
