in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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