my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
