Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
