Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
