I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your topless pictures make me question reality
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
